Date night with the wife. My sister is watching the kids. We were going to see a movie tonight but this italian food is taking a while to get to the table. We'll go for a movie tomorrow so we don't have to eat out food fast. That would ruin the dining out experience, and what would the point of dining out be?

New year's tomorrow. I'd like a decade calendar, not a decade planner, but an actual calendar you can hang on the wall. I've seen some pretty cool ones. They're pretty expensive though.

I like the idea of saving calendars as a way to chronicle what the family's done. Maybe keep em in a box in the attic along with an address book.

I should call this customer that test drove a car yesterday with some figures for a price. What price should I give her? I'll ask my manager and see what he says, but I always feel like I should know how much to discount already. I don't want to make a suggestion for a discount because what if it's way off base and I look stupid? Maybe we shouldn't discount this car at all. I'm not looking forward to feeling stupid.

Today I'm just already feeling anxious in general from a hangover. It's not an intense hangover, I'm not nauseous and I don't have a headache, my hands aren't shaking, but I'm still feeling keyed up. This is great when I don't have to work, but I'm at work, and the general work anxiety that I usually feel is intensified.

A rep for one of the insurance companies that my workplace provides came in today for enrollment. I was pretty sure I had everything covered, but I'm not absolutely sure. I've got to get all my insurance stuff together for health and disability and auto and renter's and see if there's any gaps in coverage or if I'm paying too much. I have no idea what I'm paying.

The kids went in for a checkup yesterday. They suggested an assessment for early intervention for developmental delays for the girl because she doesn't talk much. I think she's just naturally quiet and there's nothing wrong with that. She doesn't seem as precocious as her brother but that's okay too. But what if she's got a genuine disability? I'm worried about that too.

I'm slipping. I'm drinking again, I'm eating too much again. The house needs cleaning, my truck needs work. It keeps pulling to the side worse and worse. I don't want to take it in through our service area because the techs might look at it and go 'Wow, he let it get this bad? What an irresponsible loser'. I don't want them to know I just didn't have the money to get it done, because what kind of irresponsible loser doesn't have money? I'll change the oil myself I guess, but I can't work on the suspension myself. I've got to get new tires too, those are expensive. I'll take it somewhere else.

I need a plan, something I can stick to. I used to teach swimming over the summer. Jumping into the cold water every morning was easy. I just had to exert enough willpower to get myself out over the water and gravity did the rest. It's not so easy now. Fighting my way through a bramble of setbacks, new things that need doing cropping up all the time. I want a job where I know what's coming down the pike every day. As it is, our front door is unlocked and people can walk in just whenever.

Looks like I'm stuck here, though.

I need a plan.

I've been waking up at 3 in the morning and going to work at McDonald's at four and then going to my main job and working til 4:30. I am not sure how long I can keep this up.